One of my two closest guy friends in grade school was Sammy Maltby. He was a happy-go-lucky prankster. You could tease him until the cows came home and he would never get mad. Everything bounced off of him.
He lived at home with his mother and step father. One year his step dad had bought him a single drum with the promise that if he practiced and got good, he would get a full drum set. Considering his fondness for young girls, drummer in a rock band would have been a perfect career choice for him. He was the horniest little grade school student I ever knew.
His favorite joke back in the day was one that his uncle had told him. It would begin with Maltby taking your hand and squeezing it until you cried out in pain. Then he would ask, “Do you feel the pain?” Next he would tell you to put your hand on the window and then he would ask again, “Do you feel the pane?”
When he first told me that joke I didn’t get it. He had to explain to me that a piece of glass is also called a windowpane. By the time he finished explaining it really wasn’t funny. He still laughed though. He loved that joke.
It’s not surprising that his favorite joke back then involved an element of pain either. His initials were after all S and M. It was a fact he took great pleasure in emphasizing by making a cracking of the whip sound. Whaaaapshhhhh.
He lived at home with his mother and step father. One year his step dad had bought him a single drum with the promise that if he practiced and got good, he would get a full drum set. Considering his fondness for young girls, drummer in a rock band would have been a perfect career choice for him. He was the horniest little grade school student I ever knew.
His favorite joke back in the day was one that his uncle had told him. It would begin with Maltby taking your hand and squeezing it until you cried out in pain. Then he would ask, “Do you feel the pain?” Next he would tell you to put your hand on the window and then he would ask again, “Do you feel the pane?”
When he first told me that joke I didn’t get it. He had to explain to me that a piece of glass is also called a windowpane. By the time he finished explaining it really wasn’t funny. He still laughed though. He loved that joke.
It’s not surprising that his favorite joke back then involved an element of pain either. His initials were after all S and M. It was a fact he took great pleasure in emphasizing by making a cracking of the whip sound. Whaaaapshhhhh.
One sad memory I have of him came one time after school. All the kids from our class that lived in Meadowvale were taking the transit bus home. Maltby’s bus stop was at the corner of Windwood Drive and Glen Erin Drive. That intersection had only stop signs back then for the east and westbound traffic on Windwood. It was an omission that led to a lot of car accidents and eventually those stop signs were replaced with a full set of traffic lights.
Everyone opened the windows on the bus and called out to him as the bus started to drive away.
“Goodbye Samuel! See you tomorrow Samuel!”
He got a big smile on his face and held his fist up in the air. Then he started to chase after the bus. He was running full tilt, but he got tunnel vision and didn’t see that the stop sign was right in front of him. He turned his head at the very last second before running into it face first. Then he dropped to the ground like a Raggedy Ann doll. Luckily an adult also got off at that stop and was able to help him.
It was the last time I ever remember calling him Samuel.
Everyone opened the windows on the bus and called out to him as the bus started to drive away.
“Goodbye Samuel! See you tomorrow Samuel!”
He got a big smile on his face and held his fist up in the air. Then he started to chase after the bus. He was running full tilt, but he got tunnel vision and didn’t see that the stop sign was right in front of him. He turned his head at the very last second before running into it face first. Then he dropped to the ground like a Raggedy Ann doll. Luckily an adult also got off at that stop and was able to help him.
It was the last time I ever remember calling him Samuel.
